I sometimes get ridiculously scared of saying something. I mean, it sometimes really is ridiculous. Like I believed something awful might happen if I say a thing.
Only thing that does happen is I sometimes start hating my stupid mouth for ever having opened. But that’s my contribution to the potential awfulness of life. No other awful thing ever really happens.
I should probably have learnt that by now but I’ll take my time.
And meanwhile I’ll say something about the potential marvellousness of life and its connection to the act of saying something.
It’s all very simple even if it takes abundant time to grasp it. Being a rather secretive person who’s been sort of checking what happens if she doesn’t say things for most of her life, I found it fucking fantastic how actually saying something changes things.
First of all, when you say what you want, you might actually get what you want. Not like, you know, from Santa or something. Santa doesn’t… oh no, I can’t say it… never mind that.
You can get what you want when you have told someone about it openly just because when you say something, it stays. Like it was hanged in the air in front of you as a reminder: you said you wanted it, and you were honest about it, weren’t you? So… go and get it! It’s like a promise you make to yourself, and it gives a lot of motivation.
What’s more, sometimes you might actually find out that you want something when you tell someone about it. I found out what I wanted to study when my bro and his ex asked me about it. Not that I’d never thought about it before. But when I only thought about it, it was all too hazy, and kind of abstract, too. Me studying translation? Nice dream, yeah. But when I told my bro and his then-girlfriend about it, I realised that‘s what I really want, and it started sounding more like a plan than a dream.
And there’s the second thing. There are only two — as I’ve said, it’s really not that complicated.
The second thing is when you tell someone what you feel, the effects will vary from awful to marvellous. They might not listen. They might not understand. They might react badly. They might understand, though. They might empathise. They’ll do whatever they fucking want, in fact, but that’s not the point! When you say what you feel, the one sure marvellous effect is that it‘s out. And feelings always feel better when they’re out.
Kept inside, they ferment, and slowly but surely you end up with a lot of intoxicating stuff inside you. And that’s not all that good, I can tell you, ’cause getting high on such stuff is no fun, plus it leads to regular delirium. And who wants that? Well, I don’t, and although in my case it requires acting completely à rebours in relation to the way I’m used to act, I try to let some of my feelings out. Air them a bit from time to time as they need it.
So. I’ve said what I had to say. Now you go and say it! Whatever it is you want to say. You can do it by replying to my post below, or you can do it whatever way you want to. Just say it!